Tuesday, 3 March 2009

Back again

Well, time has passed since my last post hasn't it.

My first words have to be, of course, about my lovely baby Jacob, who should have been two years old last Wednesday. It was a sad day. The kind of sadness that sits so heavily in your chest it almost crushes your lungs. We went to where his ashes are scattered, the little willow trees they planted for him are still there, growing strongly. Sadness takes so much energy doesn't it, a total drain of all your reserves, physically and mentally.

Yesterday wasn't as bad (he passed away 2 years yesterday). We were both okay, me and Nicky. In fact quite up-beat. I didn't do any work I'm afraid, I had to do something to make the most of the sunshine, so cracked on with the garden. I know it's late Joanne, but I have finally planted the bulbs you gave me - thank you!! You never know, they might come up this year (always the optimist) - if not it'll be a lovely surprise next year.

Craft day was a toughie. I was sad, so not my normal self, and the long day loomed ahead ominously. It was a heavy one as well, with Dawn being on without much time inbetween shows. It did me good though, as the normality of it all got me back into the swing of things, and the lovely wonderful Paula came in to help, and covered for me so I could get home a little earlier. We all managed to have a laugh as well, it's damn good to laugh isn't it!

Apart from that things have been trotting on as normal. I was on air today with Charlie, who behaved with his micro dots (Dawn will never forgive him for ruining hers!!), and made a pretty good pop-up card. Been working, trying to crack on with my Uni stuff - and stuff!! Haven't got a clue what I've been doing actually.......mmmmmmm. Oooh, haven't been on here since the show with Tim and Suze (name dropping or what!). It was great, love watching them both in action. It's Nicky's Birthday at the weekend, so off buying his pressie tomorrow, then my sister's 30th on the 9th - party time!! It's a fancy dress, any idea's anyone? I wanted Nicky to be Forest Gump, and I could be Jenny, but he's having none of it. I love Forest Gump, boring sod eh. I'll get him in a wig of some description.

Well, I'm going to load some photo's on the Flickr account of cards and pages I've been working on recently (just to prove I have been doing something!!). I hope my posting hasn't been to sad, I know sadness can sometimes been misconstrued and interpreted as negativity, and there's times you feel you have to shut it all away and pretend your all happy and wonderful (which can sometimes have a positive effect and lift you out of it) but I think to shut it all away can just be bottling up trouble for a later day, so you lucky readers... I'm sharing!! I am looking forward, my plans to do a parachute jump to raise money for SANDS and When you Wish Upon a Star are striving ahead, even the advert scares me - hahaha. If people have sponsored me I'll have to do it though won't I!! That's the plan. Wonder how many people have accidents of the bowel/bladder variety when jumping out of the plane? I think I may leave you with that thought xxxxxx I know, how rude......

13 comments:

sandy said...

Oh Leonie so lovely to have you back . You seem so close five mins away from me now but I thought we might have lost you . I lit a candle for Jacob and for you and Nicky last week . Thank you for your lovely post keep strong we all adore you . Im old enough to be yer Mum so I just want to cuddle you and tell you that it will get better.lots of love XXXX

Debsg said...

Don't apologise for being sad - you are allowed to be. You and Nicky were in my thoughts last week. You are right so talk about Jacob, nobody expects you to forget - ever. Take care x

Joanne said...

All your 'crafty' friends know how you felt. We all remember too and sharing does help. I lost my son 21years ago, aged 16, but the worst thing is, he is still around and only lives about 15 miles away.
Lots of Luv as always xxxxx

Traceys-Crafts said...

Lots of love Hun. You are right to post about Jacob,He was part of you both, Even though brief, he was so loved to. Have been thinking of you both. Lots of love for you & Nicky. Be sure to let us all know when you do the Jump, we will all sponsor you xx. Hope you are up north again soon, then can give you a big Hug.

Lindsay Mason said...

Welcome back to blogland Leonie - I don't know, you get me into all this and then vanish!!!
David and I were thinking about you last week and you are absolutely right to talk about Jacob of course...it's terrible if we lose someone and then nobody wants to mention them. You will always have him close to you in your heart, so he is with ou everywhere you go. Love and hugs, Lindsay x x x

Hazel (Didos) said...

Oh bless you both Leonie, Can't believe that 2 years have passed. You are so right to talk of your wee man. It is so hart to loose someone so quickly. We still talk of my Hubbys niece she was stillborn and would be 18 this year.
On a lighter note, gosh a parashuite jump, thats brave. Did you see in the news the other week about the Guy who did his first tandem jump and the instuctor had a heart attack while in the air. OOOO thing that would be both bowels and front bits accident. Take Care of yourselves, Hazelxo

Joy said...

Its always good to share, Leonie dear, happy things & sad things; glad you shared this with us. Its never easy, dealing with loss, especially little ones. If my first had survived, he'd be 15 now; his 2 younger bros who never knew him talk about him like he's a physical part of the family :D
Re: parachute jump -- you are one brave cookie!!! Won't join you but will happily sponsor you.
Take care & Happy Birthday to Nicky & your sister. xxx

Clare said...

Love you lots Leonie, I'm here for you if you need a chat, well, you know that anyway, we can talk for hours!!!

Love, Clare x

Shazza said...

Hi Leonie, thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. Can't believe 2 years have passed. Hugs for you all
I did a parachute jump before- solo from 3200ft, to raise money for the Special Care Baby Unit. It was terrifying and I will never do it again but others in the group loved it and went back the next weekend just for fun. Good luck
x

Jox said...

thanks for sharing that image of you weeing while jumping out of a plane!

cherry said...

Hi Leonie. Just read your blog and found it very moving. It is good to talk about the things that make us sad, as well as those that make us happy. Please keep 'blogging' as I look forward to reading about your latest exploits! P.S. The house sounds lovely!! x x x :-)

Sue said...

Bless you, Leonie. I know what it's like...I lost my twins at birth almost 11 years ago now. Still think of them. Sending you big hugs. x

Debo said...

I think the best blogs are honest blogs. You shouldn't worry about upsetting your blog followers - you must be hurting so much more and your needs come first. And people wouldn't expect you to forget all about Jacob or pretend he that he never existed, because he did, and he will always be part of your family.