Sunday, 20 December 2009

This to will end

Okay, don't really want to do this post, but feel I need to really. Most people who get in touch with me, or have been sending cards, know about my boyfriend Nicky - so I figured it's one of those things I need to share. Feels a bit weird to be honest, but when we lost Jacob I still had people asking me how my baby was for quite some time after, and it's uncomfortable - not just for me but the person who asks, as they feel bad, and I feel bad making them feel bad, if you see what I mean! So, better to get the news out there and try and avoid tricky situations as much as possible.

Enough babble, unfortunately we have split up. Rubbish timing, but they say if you love someone let them go - he's been brave enough to tell me he's not happy, so I need to be strong enough to let him go. Very poo, feel that heavy heart weighing me down again - but it'll be okay. It was actually 3 weeks ago, and work and friends have got me through so far - so glad I've been at work and surrounded by uplifting people - it's a necessity isn't it.

That's my news. I'll be okay, I know I've got through a whole lot worse, but it is, of course, incredibly, horrendously sad.

I know there may be one or two people out there who may cynically think I'm writing this for sympathy - trust me that is certainly not the case.

Hope this now explains my lack of a camera (it was Nicky's), and my trouble with sleep. Buggers those emotions arn't they.

Anyhow, it's work tomorrow, so I'll be back in a happy place, and a New Year will bring another new start (urgh, thought I'd had a big one of them for one year which seemed like quite enough. Oh hum). Sorry to be posting sad news, I'll think of something happy to share with you tomorrow - even if I have to lie!!!

Take care in the horrid (but beautiful) weather - stay safe and warm xx

38 comments:

briggselaine said...

So sorry to read about you and Nicky.My daughter and her partner split this year after 11 years and that was a bit tramatic .My daughter said she that she loved Ian but she wasn't in love with him if that sounds right.
Hope things start to turn around for you now with your new job which I must say you are doing great at.
Have a happy christmas .
Elaine

Susan said...

Bless you!
I have been there, I have got through it and yes, you are so right - so will you - and be much stronger, happier and be more independent than you can ever imagine!
My heart goes out to you, especially now - if you are short of a Christmas Dinner - then theres plenty here!
With love
SuzyX

jordiegirl said...

Oh, Leonie,

What awful timing, splitting up at this time of year - but hey, there's never a good time to split up.

Like one of your other followers, I've also been there, done that, more than once and it doesn't matter the time of year it's never a pleasant thing to do and it doesn't get any easier the more times it happens. But, of course I've got through all the break ups I've had and I'm sure you will too.

Look upon it as a total new beginning to your life, you've got your new job which you are doing really well without the support of Dawn who you were with for so long and you will also go on to new and better things without Nicky.

I am so sorry to hear of your split especially as you had little Jacob to share for that very short time.

Keep your chin up, I'm sure your new friends and colleagues at C&C will see you through along with your family and outside work friends.

Here's to a better 2010 for you.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Jilly (Chorley) said...

Hi Leonie
Although there's nothing I can do to help in a practical way I want you to know you are not alone in this.
Even at three o'clock in the morning when you feel there's not another soul in the universe. You are supported by everyone who's been where you are now, aswell as those who haven't but care very deeply for you.
Not because you're 'on the telly' but because you have the
courage to live out loud.
We have met Leonie; I certainly don't expect you to
remember but that really isn't important..
If caring thoughts can help you over this bridge, which probably feels a like a frayed rope over the grand canyon right now, you can consider yourself lifted to the other side.
Love & blessings, Jilly x

Kaz said...

Sorry to read about your split, I've been there too after 12 years for me.
I'd recommend you take it out on your crafting if you have a bad day. Then one day you'll realise your dark colours are getting brighter and you will be stronger.
Oh and go and buy yourself a new camera in the sales as your first gift for you x

mckinkle said...

Am very sorry to hear how low you are feeling right now.
A cuddle with the doggies will lift your heart even for just a moment.
Just take small steps and you will get there.

Thinking of you
Keryn

sarah said...

sending you lots of (((hugs)))

Debsg said...

Oh Leonie, I am so sorry. I have no profound words to help - wish I did. Remember the happy times and try to keep positive. Let's hope 2010 is the start of a fantastic time for you - you deserve it more than most.

Mandi said...

Sorry to read your news
I wish you happy ne beginnings rom 2010

Hugs mandi
xx

Anesha said...

I love your honesty so rare in people these days. Life has put some mountains for you to climb but you will overcome. Really sorry you have to go through such pain. (((Hug))) goes out to you. Take care.

fionalawlor said...

Hi Leonie,

So sorry to hear your bad news :( Break-ups are always horrible unfortunatly.but if its any consolation i think that you are absolutly brilliant on Create and Craft and the best thing to happen to the channel! If i see something with you presenting it ill always watch cos i know it'll be a giggle!
Hope you have a lovely Christmas and that all your wishes come true in the New Year!
Fiona x

lesleyanne said...

s0 sorry to hear your news Leonie
never a good time
but i know you are strong and will get through this
you have my phone no
so if you wont a chat or coffee
you know were i am
hugs lesley xx

Anonymous said...

Oh Leonie I so thought that this was what the problem was but dreaded reading the news. You are so loved by so many people keep strong and if you fancy a long dog walk with a hankie Im 15mins away . You have my details from the craft club if you need a bolt hole or just company . Loads of love Sandy

Anonymous said...

Sad news Leonie, but, as others have said, it does get easier. Just look at it as another new challenge in your life. Be selfish and work towards a goal that makes YOU happy.
(((Hugs))) Jackie

Joanne said...

Well Leonie, not the sort of news anyone wants to hear let alone tell of. But you know, you are one of the nicest, honest,giggly people I have ever had the honour to meet so, if it's what you want, someone else will say that about you, and they won't be a 'wrinkly' female crafter!! Always take steps forward, never backwards and the whole world will open up to you. Take deep breaths and decide what you want and go for it in 2010 - Leonie's year! Luv you lots,
Joanne (and a big hug and kiss from hubby too) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

chrissie's crafts said...

So very sorry Leonie to read your news. Sending lots of love and Huge hugs your way and wishing you a much brighter 2010

Chrissie x

Artyjen said...

Remember that love is all around you! It just might not be coming from the direction you thought it would!!
2010 is a New Year full of possibilities
xoxo

jennyflower said...

Look after your little self. Sending love. xx

virgolady said...

So sorry to hear of your sad news, it is never easy but you have so many people who are there for you, remember everything is for a reason, so keep your chin up and hope 2010 is your best year ever.

with love
Audrey

Anonymous said...

Sending you a huge hug Leonie.
Lynne xxx

Anonymous said...

so sorry to read this leonie and my heart goes out to you.
I cant imagine how you feel but I do know that there is always a glimmer of light at the end of the long dark tunnel.
YOu are doing brilliantly at your new job so let us all uphold you amd just keep your chin up love janet

Anonymous said...

When I read your post a week or so back, I had a feeling all was not well. I'm no psycic, but good at reading between lines sometimes. Just sending you a lot of love and a hug, a warm sensitive person like you will get through, I know. And you never know whos waiting around the corner! Loads and loads of love, Sue Boniwell

EMR said...

nie, you are very brave. It's very hard to lose a child, but to lose a partner as well can be devastating. I am sure you know that there are many who are thinking of you at this time and it will get better. Make sure you spend this time in the company of friends and family. It will be such a blessing for you.

Mewsli said...

Hugs doll x a lot.

Hazel (Didos) said...

Ah Leonie, BIG HUG to you. I know exactly how you are feeling at the mo as I have just separated from my Hubby of 7 years. We (Jake 12 and Tom 5)had to move from his house and are now in Homeless accomodation till the local council finds us somewhere.
It is hard and really pants but your friends here and at work will get you through it. You are so loved by every crafty peep I know!
You are a strong Woman, just remember that. I have started to beileve that everything happens for a reason (Even if it is crap at the time!!!)
Thinking of you and sending some hug huggys Hazelxoxoxox

Marie said...

Hi Leonie
Just wanted to send my best wishes to you, I know nothing can take away the sadness and you've had enough of that to deal with in your life already.
In the meantime, make sure that you're already doing what all good women do at such times - crafting, eating chocolate and generally indulging yourself and watching all the rubbish on the telly over Christmas!
Lots of love and best wishes
Marie xx

Anonymous said...

Leonie,

Sending you a big hug. And also to say in time things will be different. After many ups and downs and broken marriages and hitting 40 this year i wanted to say that i have found happiness and was married last week. So please do not give up hope. it will be hard over the next few months and possible longer but you have all your family and friends and crafters to get you through this difficult time and as you say you have been through worse and if its meant again to be it will be.

pamper yourself and lean on your family and friends as much as you need to.

also good luck with the new job

Debbie said...

Leonie, having met you only a few times and through reading your blog and seeing you on TV, you are an amazingly strong, independent and inspiring person who lights up a room as soon as you walk in.

I know you have a heavy heart and have been going through many changes of late, but it will all work out. As long as you cherish the support of your family and friends and have unwavering faith in yourself, your heavy heart will soon be smiling again.

Big hugs from me xXx

Emma said...

So sorry to hear your news, Leonie. It's always hard when a relationship ends but you're a wonderful woman and things will get better!

In the meantime, you have the support of so many people. We're all here for you...

Try and have a good Christmas and I hope you have an amazing 2010!

xx Emma

Anonymous said...

Hello Leonie, I too have got the same t-shirt as a lot of other people. It may be "pants" now but as time passes, things will get better. Hopefully like me you will end up in a far happier place and more content with life. I have found I have a wicked sense of humour. Now where was that hiding for 13 yrs of my life. You will be ok. Look after yourself Jackie

Susan said...

Oh that's poo.
Two massive changes in such a short space of time is enough to try anyone's sanity!
One of my favourite sayings is "Fake it until you make it" (in other words; keep smiling and telling yourself it will be okay, even if it feels like the end of the world and then one day you realise you aren't faking it you are smiling for real).
Mince pies here if you want one?

Anonymous said...

Sending huge hugs and hoping the new year will be much happier for you Leoniexxxxxx

Kirsty Wiseman said...

darling girl :(
Sorry I had to read this 3 days later than everyone else and not come to your rescue.
This poopy news.
Just poop.
Sending you a dollop of squish soup to make you feel better.
Hugs and loves x

Julie said...

So sorry the learn of your sad news. Hope 2010 will be a better year for you, just wait and see there's someone out there who'll be your prince charming. Thinking of you. xxx

Tracy said...

So sorry to hear your news Honey, I wish I had the words and the magic to put it all right for you. I am however, there if you need someone outside of the close zone to talk to. I will email my number to you. I am thinking of you and sending big Hugs. Keep your chin up and try to think ... New Year, New You and New Chapter.
Tracy xxx

Meghans nana said...

Hia Leonie.
Like i said on facebook , you are such a strong person and yes you have been through much worse , its just seems so much worse because nicky was part of jacob.I know you can get through this , you have so many of us friends on here , on facebook and all your family and still have your friends at topaz and all who work with dawn and of course your new work friends at C&C.
You do have such an amazing lovely bubbly personality and one day all this will seem so far away in the past.
My nana ( bless her ) used to say to me when things were bad - THIS TOO SHALL PASS....i didnt used to get it.......but now im older i do and its so true Leonie.....this too shall pass.
Much love and im thinking about you. While its new year make a list of things that youve always wanted to do and do them. Life is so short.......LIVE IT XXXXXXX
Tracey xxx

Jo said...

Leonie..

I just wanted to write and say HIIIIIII to you!

It was really lovely working with you on Friday, but I had no idea that you were having such a time - so that's a good sign isn't it? I would've given you an extra huggy-bug if I'd known.

Been back down for POTW this morning, and back again on Tuesday. I hope to see you again soon!

Keep up the good work - you did an amazing job, and it was fantastic working with you!

Love n hugs,
Jo Austin

www.joaustin.co.uk

Molly Joy said...

Dear girl It never rains but it pours
My heart goes out to you x
It may seem to you that life is cruel but believe one who has been there it will get better, but it takes time.
I miss your smiley face and hope life improves for you soon
MOLLY X