Monday, 25 February 2019


So, today, we should have been celebrating my son, Jacob, 11th birthday. 

It often puts me in a quandary as to whether I should share this on public media, or keep things private. I really respect people who keep their private lives private, and question my reasons for making things public. However, yesterday at the craft show in Stevenage a lovely lady came over to see me who had lost her husband just a year ago. He used to drive her to the show, but this time she did it alone. The drive, the show and faced those overwhelming emotions. Which is such an achievement. Personally it meant a lot to me, as she told me she had watched me on tv and decided if I could smile and get on, then so could she. And in that moment I realised the potential of sharing - not just the good times, but the struggles, the hurt, and the loss. We all go through it, and if we can give a little comfort, inspiration or just a feeling of unity then that is a very positive outcome to something that has the potential to break us.

So, here I am. I definitely don’t seek sympathy. I’m okay. I’m sad, and cry (a lot!!), but I’m okay. This time the void Jacob left seems a little deeper, a little wider. It is accentuated because I am still grieving my sister, and her upcoming 40th birthday just breaks my heart. And of course, there’s always more to each story. The details which make grieving more complicated than it should be. 

All this said, I trundled downstairs with my dogs, Dylan smiling away even though his arthritis makes first thing in the  morning a bit of a struggle. He made me smile. The day is looking beautiful. I’m going seeing my friend, and then have work from home, but it’s playing with graphic 45 (I know, work right!!). So, although the sadness lingers in my heart, it can be also be filled with gratitude, love and joy.

To my readers, thank you. For those messages. For coming and seeing me at the shows and being so kind. But also, for sharing with me. It’s important isn’t it, after all, we’re in this together. And maybe that’s the most important reason I write this, to remind you you’re not alone, because sometimes it does feel that way doesn’t it. It’s going to be okay. 

Now, let’s get those dogs out and enjoy some blue sky therapy xxxxx