I don’t want to be writing this. It feels wrong for so many reasons.
People have been asking where I am, and (how lovely), they have been worried about me, so I knew I had to do a post, as not everyone follows Facebook.
Devestatingly, on the 29th May, my beautiful sister, Marianne, passed away. She was only 39, and leaves her husband, gorgeous little boy, and so many friends.
Marianne was my fun loving younger sister, who loved to dance and party even more than me! She was my festival buddy, my partner in crime. She travelled with me doing craft fairs, and supported me when I left my job to start on my crafty career. We had so many adventures. She even asked for me to be there when Charlie was born, which was such a honour. She was sensitive, caring and funny.
We all drank and danced and often took it to the edge - and beyond! But that’s the thing, isn’t it. Who’s to say when you cross the line from life and soul of the party to problem drinker? And even then, there’s still time to stop and reverse the problem by just not drinking so much! But some people get ill with alcohol. They have an allergy to it, and it kills them. They get addicted to it and can’t stop. I think that’s what happened to our Marianne.
It killed her over many many years, slowly.
Alcoholism is patient. It takes its time. It comes and it goes as it pleases for years. It makes you believe it’s your best mate; it takes away the edge, it helps you relax, it relieves the anxiety. But every time, it grips you just a little bit tighter and pulls you into its trap just a little bit further. Until the day comes when alcohol is no longer your friend; but by then you can’t live with it - and you can’t live without it.
It sounds crazy, but we didn’t realise Marianne had an addiction for such a long time. It’s so hard to accept. Drinking is such a social norm, and when you worry someone is drinking to much you don’t necessarily think they’re addicted to it.
Sadly, a year ago it became very apparent she was poorly, and I know Marianne battled with it. I know she tried. That’s why I know it IS an illness. Alcoholism has nothing to do with a lack of will power! And there was absolutely nothing anybody could do to help her. God only knows we all tried! But it had her in its grip, and it didn’t let go. We are all going over the iffs and buts, what we should have, could have done....it’s so hard to accept my beautiful sister has gone.
I hate the fact I couldn’t save her.
I suppose the only comfort in this whole devastating tragedy is that she is no longer tormented by her addiction, and her wonderful little boy will grow up surrounded by people who had so much love for his mummy, and will keep her memory alive.
Many people have already been in touch with kind words, for which I sincerely thank you. I also thank a very close and dear friend who helped me pen this post....the words have been so hard to find.
I will, hopefully, be back at work next week, and then have workshops, and am exhibiting at Haslingden arts and crafts festival. It seems like a world away at the moment.
To sign off, all I can really say is I miss you Marianne xxxxx